Reflections on Vipassana: Learning to have balance in a unique 10 day experience

To suit various audiences for this post, I've split my reflections on my recent Vipassana 10 day silent meditation experience at Dhamma Abha Meditation Centre in Phitsanulok, Thailand (June 2013) into various categories so you can just skip to what you are interested in reading about and read as much or little as you like!

If you are interested in doing a Vipassana meditation course then you can find information on this site:

http://www.dhamma.org/

Distilled in a few sentences...

This was - by far - the most rewarding thing that I have ever done in my life. The very act of not talking, or doing anything and spending time learning about the way the mind works and an alternative way to 'approach' life was simply incredible. I will do it again - for sure!

What I got from it...

The main things were:

Creativity: My mind was very creative and I had a lot of new thoughts during the whole thing. It was amazing to see how differently my mind worked when it wasnt constantly doing something or being fed with conversation, books, internet etc.

Joy of Silence: I enjoyed not talking - this turned out to be the easiest part - along with not doing anything else!

No judgement: I was struck by the fact that I didn't feel 'judged' by anyone because we werent talking so you don't care what others think of you. And that was great and an eye opener for me.

Difficulty of paying attention: The mind is such a fickle thing. I reckon I spent 5 hours of each day concentrating and being aware and 5 hours thinking of tons of other things. Actually - if I was in pain, then I was much more aware so the longer meditations were easier to concentrate because I would usually be moving from relevant comfort to quite high levels of discomfort (see the section below on 'the teaching' for why on earth you would do this to yourself!)

Balance: It is incredible to actually learn about being quanimous, balanced. Regardless of whether the experience is good or bad. You can't learn this from reading a book. From theory alone. You have to learn it through experience. And this 10 days is like a kick start. It is a technique to help you in normal life to deal with all of the ups and downs of life. You don't do it for its own sake, you do it to make life better. Otherwise whats the point?

Determination: I learnt a lot about what determination is and how to foster it. I also learnt how to change my determination from weak and feeble to strong with a shift in mindset. It's not easy but they give you plenty of time to practice this (100 hours in 10 days!)

Learning about pain: It becomes very clear what pain really feels like - as a sensation and what pain feels like when you feel it and then add a heap of thoughts about it. Really amazing to go through pain and actually feel all of the sensations as if you were looking through a microscope rather than reacting to it and wishing it away immediately. It also teaches you that everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Again, you experience this as you go through the rollercoaster of 10 days.

Bye bye mobile phone - good riddance: I didn't miss my phone at all. And in fact, since coming back into real life - and having to make decisions, and be around noise, chaos, information - I feel exhausted. The hardest part of the whole experience has been finishing it and coming back into this. Really stark contrast. I want more balance in this regard too - this way of living is about as insane as spending 10 hours a day for 10 days meditating. There is surely a middle way!

Life's purpose: I thought a lot about what I want to get out of life, how I want to live and what I want to invest my energy, time and commitment in. Life is so short.

The hardest parts: A couple of moments on day 2 when I was wondering how I would endure the pain and monotony, the morning of day 5 when I was in a bit of funk until I snapped myself out of it, day 7 when red ants brutally killed a baby butterfly that I had just saved (I learnt a lot about 'attachment' from this!) and about day 8 when I felt happy to be there but my mind would not settle.

The best bits: Day 1 when it was all new, day 4 when I learnt about pain and how to observe it. I felt like Neo in the matrix when he fights Morpheus and starts to kick his ass (I actually thought I was going to fly out of the room!). Day 6 when I actually felt all sensations flow around my body which was really powerful - though difficult not to crave this experience to continue and remain balanced. Day 7 when I learnt to split my attention of bodily sensations between two parts of my body and realise I could deal with plesant and painful sensations at the same time and remain balanced. And day 10 when we learnt about compassion and kindness and I realised I needed to work on this.

The 'Set Up'

I didnt realise that this centre was set up specifically for 10 day retreats. It isnt run by monks and nuns.

It is set up for people to come and do this meditation experience. It is run completely by donation (of time or money). No one is paid (the teachers, the helpers). And you cannot donate unless you have done it once. You are invited to donate at the end - anything you want to give. I gave everything I had on me (bar my bus money) so that I could help someone else have this experience.

Men and women are separated from the first day except we both sit in the same meditation hall (on either side). You sleep in dorms with communal showers (though I noticed there was a block of 'en-suites). There were about 100 of us in total - about 65 women and 35 men. All ages were there - from about 18 to 65 I reckon. At mine it was mostly Thai people with around 20 non-Thais.

It is extremely well organised. You put your phone and valuables in lockers which you cant access. You get a room number, a seat number for meal times and a seat number for the meditation hall. You get a plate, cup, cutlery etc in your room which you wash yourself. It is all set up for you to have an individual experience despite there being a 100 of you!

The food was amazing! It was like eating your grandmas best cooking but Thai style. I highly recommend doing a retreat here just for the food (see programme below though for more on the meal times....it is a little odd!)

The 'Programme'

There is no rest for the wicked and you are kept busy! Wake up is at 4am and I generally took a shower - mainly to wake me up.

The first meditation was for 2 hours in the main hall from 4.30-6.30. On the first two days I did this in the hall but then I realised that you were allowed to do it in your room and that it might be less damaging to my knees if I did meditations sitting with my legs hanging over the bed for at least 2-3 hours out of 10.

Then breakfast at 6.30am. And by breakfast I mean full on meal - rice, noodles, tofu etc. And I can tell you - you eat it all! You then have a break til 8am. Then the next round of meditations were 8-9 then 9.15-11am - both in the main hall.

The second meal is at 11am and that is the main meal of the day. Then you are free until 1pm. I generally took to walking around the grouds (within the boundary you are set) and watched nature. I was quite happily entertained by the myriad of creatures! From ants, butterflies, geckos, spiders, birds, millipedes and a scorpion! Nature is the best reminder that nothing is permanent and everything is changing. I did the same walk about 25 times in the 10 days and every single time I noticed something different.

There were three afternoon meditations: 1-2.15 which I did in my room, 2.30-3.30 and 3.40-5pm in the main hall - the latter of which was always my most painful one but often my most rewarding.

5pm is toast and fruit time. Surprisingly - I was never hungry despite these strange eating hours and actually started eating less otherwise you really feel it when you meditate.

6-7pm was the final long meditation (and generally my worst in terms of being able to concentrate since it is the 9th hour that day) and then it was video time for an hour or so. You listen to the teacher - S.N. Goenka explain the practice, shed light on what you are experiencing, listen to stories to illustrate learning points and hear about what is coming for the next day. This was my favourite time of the day. I loved the discourse. It was motivating, explanatory and thought provoking. Then just a final 20 mins or so meditation and off to bed at 9pm.

The Teaching - Quick Summary

Each meditation starts with some chanting in Sanskrit and then a short explanation of what to do during that sitting and then silence. Then at the end, there is some final chanting. All of this is from a recording by S. N. Goenka. There were two teachers in the room and during some meditations you were called to the front in small groups so they could check how you were progressing. There were also dedicate times during the day when you could ask the teachers questions. 

For the first three days, you do a type of meditation called Anapana which is where you focus on paying attention to a small area (the breath coming in and out of the nostrils). This helps you to learn to concentrate and have sharp awareness.

Having done this, you then learn Vipasanna meditation which you do for 7 days. This is where you move your attention (nicely sharpened - in theory!!) around every part of the body in a flow. You start with the head and then move down slowly to feel each part of the body in a certain order. You wait to feel a sensation on each part of the body and then move on. At first you just do one part of the body but on day 6 (I think) you learn to split your attention between both shoulders, both arms, both legs etc (which may be each experiencing different sensations). On day 7 - you learn to sweep your attention over parts of the body which are experiencing what is called 'subtle' sensations and then focus particularly on those where there are strong sensation (i.e. - a lot of pain!).

What is the point? The idea is that you practice 'objective observation' of your experience - whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. If you are experiencing pain - then feel the sensations of pain and observe objectively. If you are experiencing pleasant sensations, then feel those - but objectively. You learn that we have a natural aversion to sensations we dont like and craving for those we do. Just like in life. But you also learn that everything changes. Nothing is permanent. You might feel one type of pain one moment, but then it changes. Something it feels strong. Then gets weaker. Then moves. And might go away etc. You learn that you dont have to 'yo-yo' between seeking what you like and avoiding what you don't. You can have balance inside which comes from an acceptance of feeling whatever you are experiencing without the need to react. Why not react? The idea is that we can actually cause ourselves more pain/frustration and/or unhappiness in life by our reactions - particularly if they have become habits. For example, if something doesnt go your way or you dont get what you want, you can react badly to this, but this is likely to just make you feel worse rather than help you feel better. Learning to observe unpleasant sensations with more objectivity can help to keep you feeling balanced inside. Likewise with pleasant experiences. We often get attached and then feel bad when the pleasant experiences change (which by the law of nature - they usually do!).

To make this point, there are set times when you are encouraged not to move regardless of what you experience. In this way, you literally learn through experience. You also go through lots of mood - lethargy, euphoria, frustration etc so you learn to observe this too. The meditation mirrors what you go through in life. And you learn a new way of approaching life and then you practice it. You take from it what you want. If it helps you - good. If it doesnt - then fine. The practice is quite heavy on sanskrit terminology and teachings from the Buddha but S.N. Goenka - and the Buddha himself - said - 'Don't take my word for any of this. I don't want followers! You experience whatever you experience as an individual. You take from this whatever you think is right. If not everything, then fine. Take the parts that you agree with. No one is the same. If you find the practice helps you in your life - then good. This is for you to experience. It is not an intellectual exercise.' (This is massively paraphased!)

Every single person who I spoke to about it afterwards (Westerners, Thai alike) said it was an amazing experience. I will get some quotes from them and add them here.

If you have any more questions, please feel free to write a comment and I will get back to you. There are also previous posts which explain the preparation I did before the 10 day course. You do not need experience though and several other Westerners and Thais had never meditated before.

10 day vipasanna meditation starts tomorrow...10 quick thoughts about it

1. Am I going to go completely mad? The truth is - for all the preparation I have been doing - I have NO idea what this is really going to be like! And to be honest - I'm a bit nervous.

2. When I meditate my wisdom tooth related pain hurts more - the pain is in my neck at the moment, close to the tooth. I'm literally going to be one big pain in the neck for 10 days! Ha

3. I'm looking forward to meditating with other people. In the past when I've done it, there is an incredible energy in the room and something really beautiful about it. Imagine how much energy there will be after 10 days.

4. What happens about washing? It's not in the 'programme'. Is this going to be one big sweat fest?

5. I don't like feeling very hungry. I get irritable and fidgety. 10 days of not being able to choose food. Man - that's going to be hard. It's like prison!

6. I wonder what it will be like if I literally start having less thoughts. A quiet mind. What's that like!! Definite pro. 

7. Anyone feel like trading places now? Ha ha...this is, to most, the least appetising part of my trip. But what motivates me is to invest a whack of time on the relationship I have with my mind. Think about how much time we give to partners, friends, colleagues, family. How much time do we spend investing in our relationship with our minds? The mother ship? The thing that determines a lot about how we are, what we do? Got to be a good thing!

8. No talking. No writing. No reading. No exercising. Ouch. How am I - the queen of hobbies - going to cope?

9. Will miss all of the communication with everyone and information I feed myself with. Bye bye phone. The other mother ship of my life (sounds like a 'con' but that's got to be a 'pro'! When your phone is your other 'mother ship' that's quite worrying!

10. Okay (gulp) - I'm ready, bring it on!

1 wk til Vipasanna. 1 wk into the sabbatical: The great, the good, the hard and the sucks!

The practice: I'm up to 2 hours practice at 5.30am and what can I say - its a cross between a delight and a mission. So a bit like life really! Delight because its two hours to just be. Not do. Or try to be someone different, better. Just be. And all I need to do to 'be' is breathe, watch my thinking and learn about my relationship with my mind. By doing this, one of the things that is happening is that I'm also building up the ability to bring my attention to where I want it to be. During the practice this is on the breath but in life - wow, this is a powerful tool. To be able to pay attention - in the moment - and get the most out of it - it is like time is eternal. It doesn't rush past, I'm not feeling like I'm missing out. I'm there with it - the good, the bad and the ugly. Not always, of course, but the more time I spend meditating, the longer my life feels! That doesnt mean I recommend 2 hours a day - just 10-15 mins can make a difference and 40 mins was really good too.

So - back to the mission part of Vipasanna prep. It hurts. After 1.5 hours, the ankles and knees start to hurt. And this is where  it gets interesting. In life, we want to avoid pain - or any uncomfortable feeling actually. We try to change the situation. Or we avoid it with a drink, a fag, a chocolate bar, a distraction. The challenge is that when we avoid the feeling, we stay on the run. The alternative is to let ourselves experience the emotion. Pain is often temporary, it changes in nature and we have a choice - believe it or not - of how we want to relate to it. I wrote about pain the last blog post so for more on this - go back one blog!

The pros of solo travelling: I've spent six days alone (bar a few day trips) and I'm really enjoying it. In some ways this worries me! Will I get too used to this? But mostly I just think that the gift of time to unwind, and then unwind some more and then realise you can unravel because you don't have to go back (for a while) and I feel free to create, think, question, explore in a way that I rarely get time to. Its space.

I've also met cool people and as is common when travelling, I've spent time with people that I wouldn't normally. They have been great and interesting and add a lot of colour to the trip.

I also realise human tendencies such as being judgemental and making comparisons. I notice when I do this now and there is a lot said about this in the books and videos I have been watching. It seems it is one of the curses on our happiness. I've had a lot of space in this trip to explore why we 'compare' and here's what I've come to understand: 

There are a million ways that we can  compare ourselves to others and millions of people to compare ourselves to. Every minor victory 'I'm better at this or that' - I'm so glad I'm not like them etc - is a bit like gambling. You do feel like you 'win' some but it's set up for you to lose in the end. The very act of gambling, or judging, means that you will always feel inferior because there will always be someone that does something better, has more etc. It's the act of feeling like you need to compare or judge to justify your self worth that keeps you from feeling worthy. So the solution? Find happiness in what other people have and in what you have in turn. Acknowledge judgements when they come - as they surely will - but just register them as thoughts that don't define who you are. Number the judgements if that helps. It reminds you of how fleeting thoughts actually are if you just let them come and go and not set up home. In time, they will quieten, reduce or even stop. And ultimately - work on accepting yourself for who you are. The good, the bad  - oh and the sucks. 

So the sucks is that my ears got infections so no hearing aids for one week. Which means travelling around Thailand with partial hearing. Bit like having ear plugs in all the time. Ho hum.

Deep breaths and letting it be...I'm sure compared to 10 days of silence, this will seem easy!

Ps if you are interested in some of the material I'm reading/watching while on sabbatical and want to learn more about mindfulness, happiness, Buddhism, insight meditation or yoga then keep an eye on the resources page where it says 'new'. There will be three books, a few great videos etc that I will upload when next in an Internet cafe.

2 weeks til Vipassana - All about my bum...

There is a reason for the saying 'its what you do today that matters most'. Meditation practice got difficult with 3 weeks to go before vipassana  because I got sick and had to finish work and move out. In cases such as these, the teaching is - just as per the practice itself of just coming back to breathe when your mind wanders (without judging yourself) the same applies for not practising for a while. Just start again and don't judge yourself. Sounds good to me!

2 weeks til vipassana and I'm in Thailand heading to an island! Today I meditated on a bus for 2 hours. I don't think my ass has ever hurt so much! The extra 15 mins on top of what I was doing seemed to be solely dedicated to ass pain! 

The longer mediations are very interesting. So much more comes up and is experienced and needs to be breathed through than in 40 mins. Today, one of my hairs was tickling 
my face in that kind of way that you just need to immediately move it and scratch it. It is an acute sensation which ordinarily you'd react to straight away. One of the purposes of watching these experiences is to recognise change - impermanence. Sensations are a good example of this and so i watched. Sure enough within about 2 minutes which in meditation time - is quite a lot of 'moments' - the sensation had completely disappeared! This small and seemingly trivial event shows that our reactions to things - often as a result of what feels like a strong sensation or feeling - might be different if we stop and watch for a moment. Reactions after a pause could help in many situations in life.

Unfortunately the same disappearing act of sensations cant be said for the pain in my ass! For about the last 30 mins it really hurt. Aside from watching the pain change in feeling, intensity, locality which happens when you watch, I find it interesting that when I put my awareness in other areas of my body - they feel really nice. My feet against my soft flip flops. My back against the seat. The relaxed feeling in my face. Despite the pain, there were other nice experiences to focus on. My whole experience didn't have to be  defined by that aspect, as long as my mind didn't just say over and over 'it hurts, it hurst!' 

The idea of working through the sensation of pain is that we encounter pain in life all the time but there are often two arrows. The first arrow is the sensation of pain in the body or even the mind (for emotional pain). Then there is often a second arrow which is the thinking that goes with it. This second arrow  is often resistance - a frustration with the pain - a denial that it is happening or thoughts of annoyance. The pain multiplied by the resistance often leads to quite a lot of suffering. 

The 'invitation' when meditating is to watch the pain and your thoughts. And try not to just wish the alarm would ring!! In this way, you have pain, but less resistance and therefore less suffering. In life, this helps to reduce suffering and increase acceptance of what is. 

For the 30 mins, I tried several techniques - softly labelling what was happening (a practice recommended in insight meditation) - followed by 'how long left? When will it ring?!!!),  deep breathing (ring!!!), body scan to see how the rest of my body felt (reminding myself that I was probably in last 10 mins), breathing (ring!!!!), calming my mind....

Ding dong, ding dong. Ahhhhh.....welcome back bum!

Vipassana Prep: Do you think they will have giant bean bags at the monastery?

In the mornings, I wake up to meditate and quickly sink in to my giant cow print bean bag. It's my favourite thing! Hmm - sadly, perhaps they won't have these in Thailand at the monastery!

So, this morning - day seven of my more serious attempt at preparing for a 10 day silent retreat of 10 hours of meditation per day starting at 4am (!) I thought I better try with just an ordinary pillow (i.e. tiny in comparison!). For some reason the picture doesn't want to rotate!

So far, the week has been really good. I have extended to 1.5 hours starting at 6am and have been really surprised by how alert I have felt all day despite getting up early. I've always been an early person but usually, any earlier than 6.45 and I feel really tired all day. Doing the meditation seems to make me feel really alert instead. I think one of the reasons though is a bit like when you wake up to go on holiday. Even though you are catching a bus at 3am - it is easy to get up because you are going somewhere nice. I feel a bit like that with the meditation - not that the thought of getting up at 4am and meditating for 10 hours will be 'nice' or by any means a holiday - but more that I feel determined and sure that the preparation is necessary to get the most out of the experience and be able to do it (without just feeling like crap for waking up so early and not talking to anyone!).

I have struck by the fact that I know when the time will be up. I can sense when 40 mins is over and when I am nearly done at 90 mins. It is weird how you can quickly tell how much time has passed. So far - for those who are interested in the 'technique', I am doing breathing focus for about 40 mins and then the body scan for about 40 mins. At the beginning of starting the longer practice, earlier in the morning I started nodding off a few times but the last few days I have been pretty awake. But yes, my wind is wandering all over the shop most of the time!

Next week, I start two hours in the morning starting at 5.45 or 5.30am. One of the biggest challenges though - shamefully to say - is putting down my phone. I love my phone! And I love all of my apps. And I am constantly on it. I think it is almost easier to get up at 5.30 and meditate for two hours than not look at my phone for a day! So...dread I say it, from next week I need to start reducing my addiction to my phone. Ouch. But at the same time - how ridiculous!

Vipassana - Explained in more depth

What is Vipassana? In more depth...


For more detail on the practice of vipassana - see the notes below from a talk by the teacher, Mr S. N. Goenka taken from this website (where you can also look up where Vipassana courses are taking place worldwide): http://www.dhamma.org/en/art.shtml

Everyone seeks peace and harmony, because this is what we lack in our lives. From time to time we all experience agitation, irritation, dishar­mony. And when we suffer from these miseries, we don't keep them to ourselves; we often distribute them to others as well. Unhappiness permeates the atmosphere around someone who is miserable, and those who come in contact with such a person also become affected. Certainly this is not a skillful way to live.

We ought to live at peace with ourselves, and at peace with others. After all, human beings are social beings, having to live in society and deal with each other. But how are we to live peacefully? How are we to remain harmonious within, and maintain peace and harmony around us, so that others can also live peacefully and harmoniously?

In order to be relieved of our misery, we have to know the basic reason for it, the cause of the suffering. If we investigate the problem, it becomes clear that whenever we start generating any negativity or impurity in the mind, we are bound to become unhappy. A negativity in the mind, a mental defilement or impurity, cannot coexist with peace and harmony.

How do we start generating negativity? Again, by investigation, it becomes clear. We become unhappy when we find someone behaving in a way that we don't like, or when we find something happening which we don't like. Unwanted things happen and we create tension within. Wanted things do not happen, some obstacle comes in the way, and again we create tension within; we start tying knots within. And throughout life, unwanted things keep on happening, wanted things may or may not happen, and this process of reaction, of tying knots—Gordian knots—makes the entire mental and physical structure so tense, so full of negativity, that life becomes miserable.

Now, one way to solve this problem is to arrange that nothing unwanted happens in life, that everything keeps on happening exactly as we desire. Either we must develop the power, or somebody else who will come to our aid must have the power, to see that unwanted things do not happen and that everything we want happens. But this is impossible. There is no one in the world whose desires are always fulfilled, in whose life everything happens according to his or her wishes, without anything unwanted happening. Things constantly occur that are contrary to our desires and wishes. So the question arises: how can we stop reacting blindly when confronted with things that we don't like? How can we stop creating tension and remain peaceful and harmonious?

In India, as well as in other countries, wise saintly persons of the past studied this problem—the problem of human suffering—and found a solution: if something unwanted happens and you start to react by generating anger, fear or any negativity, then, as soon as possible, you should divert your attention to something else. For example, get up, take a glass of water, start drinking—your anger won't multiply; on the other hand, it'll begin to subside. Or start counting: one, two, three, four. Or start repeating a word, or a phrase, or some mantra, perhaps the name of a god or saintly person towards whom you have devotion; the mind is diverted, and to some extent you'll be free of the negativity, free of the anger.

This solution was helpful; it worked. It still works. Responding like this, the mind feels free from agitation. However, the solution works only at the conscious level. In fact, by diverting the attention you push the negativity deep into the unconscious, and there you continue to generate and multiply the same defilement. On the surface there is a layer of peace and harmony, but in the depths of the mind there is a sleeping volcano of suppressed negativity which sooner or later may erupt in a violent explosion.

Other explorers of inner truth went still further in their search and, by experiencing the reality of mind and matter within themselves, recognized that diverting the attention is only running away from the problem. Escape is no solution; you have to face the problem. Whenever negativity arises in the mind, just observe it, face it. As soon as you start to observe a mental impurity, it begins to lose its strength and slowly withers away.
A good solution; it avoids both extremes—suppression and expression. Burying the negativity in the unconscious will not eradicate it, and allowing it to manifest as unwholesome physical or vocal actions will only create more problems. But if you just observe, then the defilement passes away and you are free of it.

This sounds wonderful, but is it really practical? It's not easy to face one's own impurities. When anger arises, it so quickly overwhelms us that we don't even notice. Then, overpowered by anger, we perform physical or vocal actions which harm ourselves and others. Later, when the anger has passed, we start crying and repenting, begging pardon from this or that person or from God: “Oh, I made a mistake, please excuse me!” But the next time we are in a similar situation, we again react in the same way. This continual repenting doesn't help at all.
The difficulty is that we are not aware when negativity starts. It begins deep in the unconscious mind, and by the time it reaches the conscious level it has gained so much strength that it overwhelms us, and we cannot observe it.

However, someone who reached the ultimate truth found a real solution. He discovered that whenever any impurity arises in the mind, physically two things start happening simultaneously. One is that the breath loses its normal rhythm. We start breathing harder whenever negativity comes into the mind. This is easy to observe. At a subtler level, a biochemical reaction starts in the body, resulting in some sensation. Every impurity will generate some sensation or the other within the body.

This presents a practical solution. An ordinary person cannot observe abstract defilements of the mind—abstract fear, anger or passion. But with proper training and practice it is very easy to observe respiration and body sensations, both of which are directly related to mental defilements.

Respiration and sensations will help in two ways. As soon as a negativity arises in the mind, the breath will lose its normality; it will start shouting, “Look, something has gone wrong!” And we cannot scold the breath; we have to accept the warning. Similarly, the sensations will tell us that something has gone wrong. Then, having been warned, we can start observing the respiration, start observing the sensations, and very quickly we find that the negativity passes away.

This mental-physical phenomenon is like a coin with two sides. On one side are the thoughts and emotions arising in the mind, on the other side are the respiration and sensations in the body. Any thoughts or emotions, any mental impurities that arise manifest themselves in the breath and the sensations of that moment. Thus, by observing the respiration or the sensations, we are in fact observing mental impurities. Instead of running away from the problem, we are facing reality as it is. As a result, we discover that these impurities lose their strength; they no longer overpower us as they did in the past. If we persist, they eventually disappear altogether and we begin to live a peaceful and happy life, a life increasingly free of negativities.

In this way the technique of self-observation shows us reality in its two aspects, inner and outer. Previously we only looked outward, missing the inner truth. We always looked outside for the cause of our unhappiness; we always blamed and tried to change the reality outside. Being ignorant of the inner reality, we never understood that the cause of suffering lies within, in our own blind reactions toward pleasant and unpleasant sensations.
Now, with training, we can see the other side of the coin. We can be aware of our breathing and also of what is happening inside. Whatever it is, breath or sensation, we learn just to observe it without losing our mental balance. We stop reacting and multiplying our misery. Instead, we allow the defilements to manifest and pass away.

The more one practices this technique, the more quickly negativities will dissolve. Gradually the mind becomes free of defilements, becomes pure. A pure mind is always full of love—selfless love for all others, full of compassion for the failings and sufferings of others, full of joy at their success and happiness, full of equanimity in the face of any situation.

When one reaches this stage, the entire pattern of one's life changes. It is no longer possible to do anything vocally or physically which will disturb the peace and happiness of others. Instead, a balanced mind not only becomes peaceful, but the surrounding atmosphere also becomes permeated with peace and harmony, and this will start affecting others, helping others too.

By learning to remain balanced in the face of everything experienced inside, one develops detachment towards all that one encounters in external situations as well. However, this detachment is not escapism or indifference to the problems of the world. Those who regularly practice Vipassana become more sensitive to the sufferings of others, and do their utmost to relieve suffering in whatever way they can—not with any agitation, but with a mind full of love, compassion and equanimity. They learn holy indifference—how to be fully committed, fully involved in helping others, while at the same time maintaining balance of mind. In this way they remain peaceful and happy, while working for the peace and happiness of others.

This is what the Buddha taught: an art of living. He never established or taught any religion, any “ism”. He never instructed those who came to him to practice any rites or rituals, any empty formalities. Instead, he taught them just to observe nature as it is, by observing the reality inside. Out of ignorance we keep reacting in ways which harm ourselves and others. But when wisdom arises—the wisdom of observing reality as it is—this habit of reacting falls away. When we cease to react blindly, then we are capable of real action—action proceeding from a balanced mind, a mind which sees and understands the truth. Such action can only be positive, creative, helpful to ourselves and to others.

What is necessary, then, is to “know thyself”—advice which every wise person has given. We must know ourselves, not just intellectually in the realm of ideas and theories, and not just emotionally or devotionally, simply accepting blindly what we have heard or read. Such knowledge is not enough. Rather, we must know reality experientially. We must experience directly the reality of this mental-physical phenomenon. This alone is what will help us be free of our suffering.

This direct experience of our own inner reality, this technique of self-observation, is what is called Vipassana meditation. In the language of India in the time of the Buddha, passana meant seeing in the ordinary way, with one's eyes open; but vipassana is observing things as they actually are, not just as they appear to be. Apparent truth has to be penetrated, until we reach the ultimate truth of the entire psycho-physical structure. When we experience this truth, then we learn to stop reacting blindly, to stop creating negativities—and naturally the old ones are gradually eradicated. We become liberated from misery and experience true happiness.

There are three steps to the training given in a meditation course. First, one must abstain from any action, physical or vocal, which disturbs the peace and harmony of others. One cannot work to liberate oneself from impurities of the mind while at the same time continuing to perform deeds of body and speech which only multiply them. Therefore, a code of morality is the essential first step of the practice. One undertakes not to kill, not to steal, not to commit sexual misconduct, not to tell lies, and not to use intoxicants. By abstaining from such actions, one allows the mind to quiet down sufficiently in order to proceed further.

The next step is to develop some mastery over this wild mind by training it to remain fixed on a single object, the breath. One tries to keep one's attention on the respiration for as long as possible. This is not a breathing exercise; one does not regulate the breath. Instead, one observes natural respiration as it is, as it comes in, as it goes out. In this way one further calms the mind so that it is no longer overpowered by intense negativities. At the same time, one is concentrating the mind, making it sharp and penetrating, capable of the work of insight.
These first two steps, living a moral life, and controlling the mind, are very necessary and beneficial in themselves, but they will lead to suppression of negativities unless one takes the third step: purifying the mind of defilements by developing insight into one's own nature. This is Vipassana: experiencing one's own reality by the systematic and dispassionate observation within oneself of the ever-changing mind-matter phenomenon manifesting itself as sensations. This is the culmination of the teaching of the Buddha: self-purification by self-observation.

It can be practiced by one and all. Everyone faces the problem of suffering. It is a universal malady which requires a universal remedy, not a sectarian one. When one suffers from anger, it's not Buddhist anger, Hindu anger, or Christian anger. Anger is anger. When one becomes agitated as a result of this anger, this agitation is not Christian, or Jewish, or Muslim. The malady is universal. The remedy must also be universal.
Vipassana is such a remedy. No one will object to a code of living which respects the peace and harmony of others. No one will object to developing control over the mind. No one will object to developing insight into one's own nature, by which it is possible to free the mind of negativities. Vipassana is a universal path.

Observing reality as it is by observing the truth inside—this is knowing oneself directly and experientially. As one practices, one keeps freeing oneself from the misery of mental impurities. From the gross, external, apparent truth, one penetrates to the ultimate truth of mind and matter. Then one transcends that, and experiences a truth which is beyond mind and matter, beyond time and space, beyond the conditioned field of relativity: the truth of total liberation from all defilements, all impurities, all suffering. Whatever name one gives this ultimate truth is irrelevant; it is the final goal of everyone.

Preparing for a Vipassana Meditation Retreat...

In a month’s time I am doing a Vipassana meditation in Thailand. This is a 10 day silent retreat and a significant undertaking for the mind and body. You don’t read, exercise, speak to any one, communicate in any way, or really do anything except meditate – either on your own, with the group, or while eating or listening to one of the daily lectures.

I thought it would be an idea to document my preparation and my experience for those who are curious about it and/or might be thinking of doing it themselves. Below is an introduction to Vipassana, a rough schedule of what I will be doing and some info about what I’m doing to prepare for it. I will put regular updates on my blog about my prep and then put an update once I have done the retreat.

What is vipassana?

Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation.

Vipassana is a process of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the interconnection between mind and body through paying disciplined attention to the physical sensations of the body, the condition of the mind and the interplay between the two. It is a form of a mental training – in the same way as preparing a marathon is physical training for the body. The process of the 10 day meditation is used to develop a healthy mind.

The next step is to develop some mastery over the mind by learning to fix one's attention on the natural reality of the ever changing flow of breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils. By the fourth day the mind is calmer and more focused, better able to undertake the practice of Vipassana itself: observing sensations throughout the body, understanding their nature, and developing equanimity by learning not to react to them. Finally, on the last full day participants learn the meditation of loving kindness or goodwill towards all, in which the purity developed during the course is shared with all beings.

For more detail on the practice of vipassana - see the notes below from a talk by the teacher, Mr S. N. Goenka taken from this website (where you can also look up where Vipassana courses are taking place worldwide): http://www.dhamma.org/en/art.shtml

There are no charges for the course – not even to cover the cost of food and accommodation. All expenses are met by donations from people who, having completed a course and experienced the benefits of Vipassana, wish to give others the opportunity to benefit from it also. Men and women are separated and the courses get booked up far in advance and people from all over the world sign up for any remaining places.

What does it involve?

Generally – this is the programme of vipassana meditation retreats:

4:00 a.m.           - Morning wake-up bell

4:30-6:30 a.m. - Meditate in Dharma Hall or in your room

6:30-8:00 a.m. - Breakfast break

8:00-9:00 a.m. - Group meditation in Dharma Hall

9:00-11:00 a.m. - Meditate in Dharma Hall or in your room according to teacher’s instruction

11:00 -12 noon - Lunch break

12 noon – 1:00 p.m. - Rest, private Q&A session with teacher

1:00-2:30 p.m. - Meditate in Dharma Hall or in your room

2:30-3:30 p.m. - Group meditation in Dharma Hall

3:30-5:00 p.m. - Meditate in Dharma Hall or in your room according to teacher’s instruction

5:00-6:00 p.m. - Tea break

6:00-7:00 p.m. - Group meditation in Dharma Hall

7:00-8:15 p.m. - Teacher’s Discourse in Dharma Hall

8:15-9:00 p.m. - Group meditation in Dharma Hall

9:00-9:30 p.m. - Open Q&A session in Dharma Hall

10pm                - Lights out

Why am I doing it?

I heard of this practice about 5-6 years ago and was curious about it but it wasn’t until I started to learn about mindfulness based approaches that I thought I might actually do the retreat. Now,  I am about to take a 3 month sabbatical and will be travelling to Thailand so this seems like a good time to do the retreat. I will also be starting a masters or diploma in teaching mindfulness based approaches in October (if they accept me) – so I plan to do some extended meditation before starting this.

More specifically though, I have a great curiosity about the connection between mind and body, how the mind works, how meditation can be used as a tool for understanding the mind, and with practices which help people to live in the now, get the most from their experience and be happy (content).

How am I preparing?

I currently have been meditating for about 40 minutes every morning but I met a friend the other day who said that I will need to do some more serious preparation and it is quite a serious undertaking. He was meditating 4 hours a day before he did it and still found it very hard. It is not just the meditating that is a challenge. You have to wake up early. You probably won’t be sleeping in a deluxe, double bed with extra thick cushions, food will be restricted (you eat what you are given) and you don’t communicate or have any type of stimulus (except for the talks twice a day). I.e. no phone, no facebook, no talking to friends or anyone, no exercises, no TV etc. Ouch. So – as of one month before I’m waking up at 6am and meditating for 1.5 hours every day.

As I get closer, I will gradually do more, eat a bit less, and cut down on stimulus like checking my phone/facebook regularly. Time for a change of routine!