A lesson in Acceptance for a Wildlife Photography Enthusiast

Khao Yai National Park in Thailand is host to gibbons, deer, elephants, scorpions and a host of birds. Off we set, 8 of us on an adventure, with cameras at the ready. This was my favourite thing to do. Wildlife park, animals, guide and camera. Always the highlight of my trips. I could spend hours editing wildlife shots and making albums. The day before we had been treated with 45 minutes of millions of bats leaving a cave to hunt. A sight which I took several videos of to show friends back home. I was in my element.

After 15 minutes in the truck, the noise of the forest was thick with gibbons calling to each other. Down off the truck we climbed and started clamouring through the jungle for a glimpse of these loud tree jumpers.

Quickly our guide pointed up to several gibbons and out came the cameras.

And on came 'battery low' light.

'You've got to be kidding' - I thought in disbelief. 'How could I not have a full battery?'.

And on and on went my mind, yo-yo-ing between 'it can't be' and 'what an idiot', replaying how it had happened (all those videos of bats), all the things I should have done, thoughts about how this would change the whole day. I was annoyed with myself. Disappointed. Disheartened. After just a few shots, camera went dead.

What struck me after about 15 mins of unrelenting, incessant thoughts of this nature, was how hard it was to accept the reality I was in. Even though I shrugged it off, and said 'oh well, never mind' to myself (a few times) my mind would not let it go. After a brief pause of not thinking about it, back the thoughts would come. I even tried the strategy of saying to myself 'imagine this is your last day alive'...but that just produced more thoughts.

Acceptance is hard! It is frustrating for things not to go the way we think they should. And when they don't, we resist until we eventually let it go which can often take some time.

Being a mindfulness enthusiast, I decided to put all of theory I was reading about into practice. What a 'great' opportunity this was to practice acceptance - a simple word, that's slippery by nature.

I focused on the present. My feet crunching the forest floor. The small insects I could see everywhere. The screeching sound of the gibbons. The smell of the forest. The feel of occasional cool air. There is nothing like taking to the senses - our most direct way of experiencing the present moment to help us accept. I didn't try and change my thinking but just shifted my awareness to where I was physically and when the thoughts came, I shifted my mind to the sights, smells, sounds. It took several rounds of coming back to my senses but gradually, the thoughts that had been resisting the way things were subsided. I could literally feel my body getting loser, less tense as I focused on being right where I was. In this moment, with no camera.

Things often don't go our way. But one thing is for sure, resisting or denying our reality - for sure - does not lead to contentment or happiness. Trying to recreate the past in our minds to make things turn out differently often means we miss out on what is actually happening in the present.

In the end, we saw very little wildlife after those first glimpses of gibbons. But I stepped, smelt, inspected and felt that forest. It was an experience that was better than any photo! Though I have learnt a lesson to check the battery before wildlife trips!

One of few photos - not of the standard I set myself!

Mindfulness in Bangkok: Three men serendipity, the seduction of money and maggots

With one day of getting used to my deafness, I decided to go for it and continue my trip (travelling around Thailand on sabbatical) as planned rather than hide out and wait til I could hear again. Great idea! Fortunately I met two really nice women from French Canada. We travelled to Bangkok and met three men. 

Man one told us the temples were closed in the morning and to do a boat trip. 'Only pay Thai price!' he said. Arriving at the boat yard, Thai price was tourist price so we bailed and decided to walk to other temples nearby and go with the flow. At this moment, we met man two uwho told us it was indeed a special day in Bangkok and tuk tuks were just $1 all day and that the temple with the 'lucky Buddha' - normally not seen by tourists was open today. Only day in the year! On our cheap as chips tuk tuk we go to see the lucky Buddha (which was really cool) where we meet man three. 

Man three is surprised to see tourists and in talking, he tells us he has just been to something called 'Thai expo' where for this week only you can buy previous jewels tax free. He spent a lot (!) of money and is taking his family to Australia to sell them for a profit and pay for their holiday.So off we trot in our tuk tuk to an exclusive jewellery shop where the seduction of money starts. To buy or not to buy? More on that later. 

My new friend decides to buy herself a very nice ring and then monsoon starts. Rain, more rain, more rain. The jewellery store realising we just have a tuk tuk, then offers us a complimentary luxury private mini van and our own tour guide to take us to all of the remaining sites in Bangkok!!! Then on top of that, they take us to the main sites of Bangkok. Score!

So - about the seduction of money. When presented with the possibility of making a completely legal fast buck, I realised later just how seduced by money I had been. I didn't buy but couldnt get the idea out of my head about the possibility of making some money. You know when you just can't stop thinking about something...round and round in your head it goes. 

This got me thinking about thinking about something I read that said - saying to yourself 'stop thinking about it' - is actually another thought about it. To get out of the loop - when the thought comes, just watch it come and let go of it. You could focus on your breath for example and this helps the incessant thinking to lose its grip. And if you think of it again, again let it go - as many times as it takes. This takes some getting used to and I find sometimes that a dollop of rationale can help in tough cases of mind looping. 

My rationale for not buying was that it could potentially ruin my trip to carry something so valuable. What sense would it make to try and make money but then decrease the 'value' (pleasure, joy, experience) of the money I was currently spending on this trip. Sure - I might make some money to cover the cost of this trip but the experience of the trip would have been worsened as I am sure I would have felt paranoid about losing the stone. How often in life are we presented with this choice? You often hear of people changing jobs to make more money despite longer hours or more travel time. They are less happy each day but have more money. How much of our enjoyment of our 'present moment' are we willing to sacrifice - for more money that is supposed to contribute to increasing our happiness of our 'present moments'? It's madness.

As I realised that I wasn't paying as much attention to the temples as I wanted to be I chuckled to myself about the irony. If I made more money, what would I do? For sure, I would travel to somewhere like Thailand to check out the temples! Upon realising how ridiculous it was to be seduced by money which I would spend only to have the experience that I was currently paying to have - my incessant thinking about making money ended. And the temples were amazing! 

And then the next morning I ate my favourite lychees only to find maggots in them. Not sure that relates to any of the above - only in that 'paying full attention' to what you are doing is not just good for getting the most out of temples- it's also a good idea in a country where there's the possibility of there being maggots in your food! :)