Reflections on Vipassana: Learning to have balance in a unique 10 day experience

To suit various audiences for this post, I've split my reflections on my recent Vipassana 10 day silent meditation experience at Dhamma Abha Meditation Centre in Phitsanulok, Thailand (June 2013) into various categories so you can just skip to what you are interested in reading about and read as much or little as you like!

If you are interested in doing a Vipassana meditation course then you can find information on this site:

http://www.dhamma.org/

Distilled in a few sentences...

This was - by far - the most rewarding thing that I have ever done in my life. The very act of not talking, or doing anything and spending time learning about the way the mind works and an alternative way to 'approach' life was simply incredible. I will do it again - for sure!

What I got from it...

The main things were:

Creativity: My mind was very creative and I had a lot of new thoughts during the whole thing. It was amazing to see how differently my mind worked when it wasnt constantly doing something or being fed with conversation, books, internet etc.

Joy of Silence: I enjoyed not talking - this turned out to be the easiest part - along with not doing anything else!

No judgement: I was struck by the fact that I didn't feel 'judged' by anyone because we werent talking so you don't care what others think of you. And that was great and an eye opener for me.

Difficulty of paying attention: The mind is such a fickle thing. I reckon I spent 5 hours of each day concentrating and being aware and 5 hours thinking of tons of other things. Actually - if I was in pain, then I was much more aware so the longer meditations were easier to concentrate because I would usually be moving from relevant comfort to quite high levels of discomfort (see the section below on 'the teaching' for why on earth you would do this to yourself!)

Balance: It is incredible to actually learn about being quanimous, balanced. Regardless of whether the experience is good or bad. You can't learn this from reading a book. From theory alone. You have to learn it through experience. And this 10 days is like a kick start. It is a technique to help you in normal life to deal with all of the ups and downs of life. You don't do it for its own sake, you do it to make life better. Otherwise whats the point?

Determination: I learnt a lot about what determination is and how to foster it. I also learnt how to change my determination from weak and feeble to strong with a shift in mindset. It's not easy but they give you plenty of time to practice this (100 hours in 10 days!)

Learning about pain: It becomes very clear what pain really feels like - as a sensation and what pain feels like when you feel it and then add a heap of thoughts about it. Really amazing to go through pain and actually feel all of the sensations as if you were looking through a microscope rather than reacting to it and wishing it away immediately. It also teaches you that everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Again, you experience this as you go through the rollercoaster of 10 days.

Bye bye mobile phone - good riddance: I didn't miss my phone at all. And in fact, since coming back into real life - and having to make decisions, and be around noise, chaos, information - I feel exhausted. The hardest part of the whole experience has been finishing it and coming back into this. Really stark contrast. I want more balance in this regard too - this way of living is about as insane as spending 10 hours a day for 10 days meditating. There is surely a middle way!

Life's purpose: I thought a lot about what I want to get out of life, how I want to live and what I want to invest my energy, time and commitment in. Life is so short.

The hardest parts: A couple of moments on day 2 when I was wondering how I would endure the pain and monotony, the morning of day 5 when I was in a bit of funk until I snapped myself out of it, day 7 when red ants brutally killed a baby butterfly that I had just saved (I learnt a lot about 'attachment' from this!) and about day 8 when I felt happy to be there but my mind would not settle.

The best bits: Day 1 when it was all new, day 4 when I learnt about pain and how to observe it. I felt like Neo in the matrix when he fights Morpheus and starts to kick his ass (I actually thought I was going to fly out of the room!). Day 6 when I actually felt all sensations flow around my body which was really powerful - though difficult not to crave this experience to continue and remain balanced. Day 7 when I learnt to split my attention of bodily sensations between two parts of my body and realise I could deal with plesant and painful sensations at the same time and remain balanced. And day 10 when we learnt about compassion and kindness and I realised I needed to work on this.

The 'Set Up'

I didnt realise that this centre was set up specifically for 10 day retreats. It isnt run by monks and nuns.

It is set up for people to come and do this meditation experience. It is run completely by donation (of time or money). No one is paid (the teachers, the helpers). And you cannot donate unless you have done it once. You are invited to donate at the end - anything you want to give. I gave everything I had on me (bar my bus money) so that I could help someone else have this experience.

Men and women are separated from the first day except we both sit in the same meditation hall (on either side). You sleep in dorms with communal showers (though I noticed there was a block of 'en-suites). There were about 100 of us in total - about 65 women and 35 men. All ages were there - from about 18 to 65 I reckon. At mine it was mostly Thai people with around 20 non-Thais.

It is extremely well organised. You put your phone and valuables in lockers which you cant access. You get a room number, a seat number for meal times and a seat number for the meditation hall. You get a plate, cup, cutlery etc in your room which you wash yourself. It is all set up for you to have an individual experience despite there being a 100 of you!

The food was amazing! It was like eating your grandmas best cooking but Thai style. I highly recommend doing a retreat here just for the food (see programme below though for more on the meal times....it is a little odd!)

The 'Programme'

There is no rest for the wicked and you are kept busy! Wake up is at 4am and I generally took a shower - mainly to wake me up.

The first meditation was for 2 hours in the main hall from 4.30-6.30. On the first two days I did this in the hall but then I realised that you were allowed to do it in your room and that it might be less damaging to my knees if I did meditations sitting with my legs hanging over the bed for at least 2-3 hours out of 10.

Then breakfast at 6.30am. And by breakfast I mean full on meal - rice, noodles, tofu etc. And I can tell you - you eat it all! You then have a break til 8am. Then the next round of meditations were 8-9 then 9.15-11am - both in the main hall.

The second meal is at 11am and that is the main meal of the day. Then you are free until 1pm. I generally took to walking around the grouds (within the boundary you are set) and watched nature. I was quite happily entertained by the myriad of creatures! From ants, butterflies, geckos, spiders, birds, millipedes and a scorpion! Nature is the best reminder that nothing is permanent and everything is changing. I did the same walk about 25 times in the 10 days and every single time I noticed something different.

There were three afternoon meditations: 1-2.15 which I did in my room, 2.30-3.30 and 3.40-5pm in the main hall - the latter of which was always my most painful one but often my most rewarding.

5pm is toast and fruit time. Surprisingly - I was never hungry despite these strange eating hours and actually started eating less otherwise you really feel it when you meditate.

6-7pm was the final long meditation (and generally my worst in terms of being able to concentrate since it is the 9th hour that day) and then it was video time for an hour or so. You listen to the teacher - S.N. Goenka explain the practice, shed light on what you are experiencing, listen to stories to illustrate learning points and hear about what is coming for the next day. This was my favourite time of the day. I loved the discourse. It was motivating, explanatory and thought provoking. Then just a final 20 mins or so meditation and off to bed at 9pm.

The Teaching - Quick Summary

Each meditation starts with some chanting in Sanskrit and then a short explanation of what to do during that sitting and then silence. Then at the end, there is some final chanting. All of this is from a recording by S. N. Goenka. There were two teachers in the room and during some meditations you were called to the front in small groups so they could check how you were progressing. There were also dedicate times during the day when you could ask the teachers questions. 

For the first three days, you do a type of meditation called Anapana which is where you focus on paying attention to a small area (the breath coming in and out of the nostrils). This helps you to learn to concentrate and have sharp awareness.

Having done this, you then learn Vipasanna meditation which you do for 7 days. This is where you move your attention (nicely sharpened - in theory!!) around every part of the body in a flow. You start with the head and then move down slowly to feel each part of the body in a certain order. You wait to feel a sensation on each part of the body and then move on. At first you just do one part of the body but on day 6 (I think) you learn to split your attention between both shoulders, both arms, both legs etc (which may be each experiencing different sensations). On day 7 - you learn to sweep your attention over parts of the body which are experiencing what is called 'subtle' sensations and then focus particularly on those where there are strong sensation (i.e. - a lot of pain!).

What is the point? The idea is that you practice 'objective observation' of your experience - whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. If you are experiencing pain - then feel the sensations of pain and observe objectively. If you are experiencing pleasant sensations, then feel those - but objectively. You learn that we have a natural aversion to sensations we dont like and craving for those we do. Just like in life. But you also learn that everything changes. Nothing is permanent. You might feel one type of pain one moment, but then it changes. Something it feels strong. Then gets weaker. Then moves. And might go away etc. You learn that you dont have to 'yo-yo' between seeking what you like and avoiding what you don't. You can have balance inside which comes from an acceptance of feeling whatever you are experiencing without the need to react. Why not react? The idea is that we can actually cause ourselves more pain/frustration and/or unhappiness in life by our reactions - particularly if they have become habits. For example, if something doesnt go your way or you dont get what you want, you can react badly to this, but this is likely to just make you feel worse rather than help you feel better. Learning to observe unpleasant sensations with more objectivity can help to keep you feeling balanced inside. Likewise with pleasant experiences. We often get attached and then feel bad when the pleasant experiences change (which by the law of nature - they usually do!).

To make this point, there are set times when you are encouraged not to move regardless of what you experience. In this way, you literally learn through experience. You also go through lots of mood - lethargy, euphoria, frustration etc so you learn to observe this too. The meditation mirrors what you go through in life. And you learn a new way of approaching life and then you practice it. You take from it what you want. If it helps you - good. If it doesnt - then fine. The practice is quite heavy on sanskrit terminology and teachings from the Buddha but S.N. Goenka - and the Buddha himself - said - 'Don't take my word for any of this. I don't want followers! You experience whatever you experience as an individual. You take from this whatever you think is right. If not everything, then fine. Take the parts that you agree with. No one is the same. If you find the practice helps you in your life - then good. This is for you to experience. It is not an intellectual exercise.' (This is massively paraphased!)

Every single person who I spoke to about it afterwards (Westerners, Thai alike) said it was an amazing experience. I will get some quotes from them and add them here.

If you have any more questions, please feel free to write a comment and I will get back to you. There are also previous posts which explain the preparation I did before the 10 day course. You do not need experience though and several other Westerners and Thais had never meditated before.