Learning about attachment from the best teacher: nature

Around the middle of the 10 day meditation course, we were taught about non-attachment. This is a concept that I really struggle to get my head around - why would I want to not be attached?

                                  
The idea is that we often attach ourselves to external things - to people, things, events - a plan - to make ourselves happy - but in doing so we often end up suffering more. The reason is that everything changes, nothing is permanent and so relying on something external to determine our mood, our happiness, our level of contentment, our sense of balance is bound to make us yo-yo since these external things change. Pure happiness comes from within us not from without. This is probably something we have all read before but 'non-attachment' still seems cold and inhumane. There must be more to it...

The teacher talked about how we make things 'mine' - my watch, my car - and if we lose it - tragedy!! But we are not a watch - it doesn't define who we are and so why let the loss of it cause us so much pain. The concept of 'mine' is instilled in us since birth and in most cultures - it drives the economy. I therefore left the meditation hall feeling like this was one Buddhist concept that I partially understood but didn't embrace.

The next day I went for my regular morning walk and watched the red ants crawling around dominating the ground. I had spent many hours watching their habits. Watching them march endlessly to their 'nest' like homes carrying whatever they had found - be it leaf or fellow insect. 

Later that morning I saw a maggot dangling head height seemingly in the middle of nowhere (the nearest trees were about two meters away on either side). It was struggling to release itself from a single thread of spiders web to no avail. I pondered whether to save it but felt that I would then be meddling with the natural course of things and denying a spider it's meal. 

After lunch the same day, I was washing my dishes outside in one of the communal sinks when a beautiful baby butterfly flew into the sink and got drenched. I quickly turned off the tap saying 'oh no'. I put the butterfly on my hand and blew its wings which had stuck together. I did this for a few minutes and then decided I'd put it down - back in nature so that it could dry off and fly away. I placed it delicately on a leaf of a tree and watched it crawl away. I smiled contently.

Having gone back inside, placed my dishes on my table and made myself a coffee ready for another walk, I went back outside and as I walked past the tree I decided to check on how my little butterfly was getting on. I looked up the tree in the direction it had been traveling through the big green leaves to the trunk. 

Argh - argh - stop stop!!!!! 

Red ants were attacking my butterfly!! There were so many of them. I felt overwhelmed with sadness and shock - adrenaline was pumping as I desperately tried to free the butterfly. I flicked off a couple of ants but when they realised their meal was threatened they fought hard to keep it and swarmed around. Knowing if I tried too hard I'd risk damaging the butterfly I burst into tears and walked away - head in hands. 'How could this happen? Horrible ants! They killed it!!'

Okay - maybe a slightly dramatic reaction but I had helped that butterfly, it was a baby one, it was beautiful and I didn't want to see it killed my those pesky red ants. 

As I walked away, it didn't take long for the teachers words to come to mind. 'Mine'. I had made the butterfly mine. Not the maggot of course - wriggly, white, gross thing. But the butterfly. I had attached myself to it and suffered when it didn't turn out the way I planned. I was learning about attachment. 

I dried the tears and felt a sense of calm. Partly because I knew this was nature's way - just as per the maggot - and also because I saw the role I had played in feeling this sadness - by making the butterfly 'mine' when it was no more or less mine than the ants, spiders or trees.

I'm not saying that I completely understand the concept of non-attachment now or embrace it fully - but the butterfly and maggot made the nature of my mind to attach to things much clearer. Still lots to learn.