One of TED.com's most viewed video: The Power of Vulnerability. It sounds heavy but it is pretty funny and TRUE!

Brene Brown is hilarious. And has a real gift of getting a point across. She is a social researcher and a story teller. She has written a book called 'Daring Greatly' (see other posts) following her TED talk which was watched by 11 million people have watched. TED - stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design and it brings together people from all over the world to share ideas, insights and experiences and then shares the most innovative, engaging, funny, creative, moving talks on their website (for free). And it seems a lot of us are relating greatly to what Brene Brown has discovered through her research about what vulnerability, shame and connection is.

This video has inspired me to be more honest and talk to close friends about what I feel 'shame' about and what makes me vulnerable (which - by the way - has made me feel better and stronger). So I share it with you now.

So let me summarise her talk and some of the points she makes - but please - watch the video (19 mins) because she makes these points in a poignant, hilarious, engaging way that I am absolutely not going to do justice to:

• The difference between those people that have a sense of worthiness, and a strong sense of belonging and those that don't is that the former believe that they are worthy of love and belonging. That feeling of 'belief' is the only thing that separates the two groups.

• The one thing that keeps us from 'connecting' with others is our fear that we are not worthy of connection. That we are not enough.

• We spend a lot of time feeling that we 'are not ________ enough' (fill in the blank). She calls this 'scarcity'. And the way we deal with scarcity - is often to try and numb these feelings or avoid them by eating, medicating, buying things, using our phones...

• The challenge is that we cannot selectively numb. When we numb anxiety, sadness, fear - e also numb happiness, joy and gratitude. 

• In order to connect, we have to be authentic - be ourselves - even if it makes us feel vulnerable. We have to embrace that vulnerability and not push it away. It can lead to creativity, happiness, feeling balanced, feeling connected. 

• We can embrace imperfection. We live in a world now that wants to have perfect children. They are hard wired for challenges because they aren't perfect and instead we need to be helping them deal with things not being perfect. We need to teach them how to deal with challenges, vulnerability, fear, not succeeding. Getting through them is a really valuable skill.

Being mindful - which this blog is all about - is very much about being honest, being 'you', being 'enough', leaning into unpleasant feelings rather than rejecting them. Brene Brown reminds us what vulnerability is, how it shows itself and what it can lead to - and the answer isn't always negative as we imagine - it's tough but it is also the key to connecting to others, to creativity, to authenticity, to courage, to dealing with change and pain.

I have recently spoken several times to close friends about the things that I feel really vulnerable about and about what makes me feel most 'shame'. For years, pretty much forever, I hadn't talked about it and that as Brene Brown says, is how shame derives its power - by being unspeakable. It wasn't as easy as just coming out with it and it has taken one year of engaging in mindfulness (both the practice and the theory) to build up to talking about those things - but once you do - you realise you are not alone, you realise it is liberaing to be honest, and it has left me feeling stronger.

She does a follow up video on 'shame' too. Well worth a watch. For more on her, and vulnerability - see my other blog posts about her book which is also referenced on the 'Resources for You' page.